On Wednesday the 2nd of May I graduated from my Bachelor of Arts Degree, majoring in English. It was a great day of celebration and I was proud of myself because I worked hard for three years to get here, all the while battling my CFS.
When I first started my degree it was at the college, which was attached to the university. It was a stepping stone into my degree and a great one as it taught us what to expect at uni and we all made close friends and developed bonds with our tutors, something that does not happen often at uni as there are more students. It was this year that I had to figure out how to study extensively with my illness in its nastiest stage. Luckily I had an academic integration plan in place that accommodated my illness and what I needed in regards to exams, assessments and timetable allocations. It was there if i needed it and over the three years it helped immensely.
During my three year degree not only did i become open minded, made friends, had to push through anxiety to make friends, to talk to peers for group tasks, found my passion for writing and passions for different subjects, my physical and mental abilities were also tested. I needed to make sure that I found a balance that would ensure that I was passing my assessments but also trying to look after myself so I could graduate. Somehow I made it work. I am a person that thrives when I stick to a routine. It wasn't easy though. I struggled to get to uni for early classes, I struggled when I couldn't get up the stairs with ease or walking from on side of the campus to another. When there were four assessments due within one week or even one day the stress would make my body flare and I would need to rest ASAP. It is very hard not to stress when you are in a environment based on deadlines, different guidelines and grade percentages. I worked hard, I pushed through my fatigue to write essays, read books and study for tests.
My Saturdays were spent doing 6-8 hours of uni work, to make sure I was always on top, especially to cater for future days where I needed that extra few hours of rest. My days coming home from uni would consist of another few hours of work, just as I did on my days off. When deadlines were approaching I also did a few hours of work on Sundays. This is hard when you want to have a social life but uni and my illness came first, and I am not sorry.
I was not able to work like many others did during their degree, I don't think my body would have handled it. I think if I did I would have crashed hard and not been able to complete my degree at all. I eventually applied for student benefits to help with textbook costs etc, so I made do. Looking back I am not grateful that I never worked.
During my degree I also suffered from depression, I sought help and I was doing well for ages but towards the end of my degree I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) and needed to figure out new health plans. It set me backwards, but I persevered, I wanted to prove to myself I can do anything I set my mind to, regardless of my new and old health issues.
I didn't have many friends at uni, but there were a few I was close too whether it was a semester or a year and they were the ones I informed about my illness. Some days being surrounded by them I didn't want to keep putting on a brave face, I did that every other day in front of peers and tutors, I wanted some safe places where I could just talk about it when needed. Some of these friends really tried to help me when it came to my flares, it honestly overwhelms me thinking about how lucky I was to meet these handful of people who accepted it and did what they could, even if they couldn't understand it.
Uni taught me a lot, not just about the world, but about myself. I found my voice because of uni which was why I started vocalising my battles. I was inspired to be myself, a self that was reinvented after I became ill. This blog post really doesn't do the years of hard work justice, but it voices that anything is possible. There were many breakdowns along the way, many "fuck it" moments, many "I cant do this anymore" mentalities, but I didn't quit, I just couldn't no matter how hard the situation was. My illness doesn't control me, I control it to my best ability. The fact I got through this degree despite the constant health setbacks will always inspire me to get through the next few hurdles.
So for anyone out there not sure they can undergo a degree for whatever reason, it is possible and if you can seek help to accommodate you, do it, there is never any shame asking for help.
Here's to not knowing what the future holds, but not being afraid.
When I first started my degree it was at the college, which was attached to the university. It was a stepping stone into my degree and a great one as it taught us what to expect at uni and we all made close friends and developed bonds with our tutors, something that does not happen often at uni as there are more students. It was this year that I had to figure out how to study extensively with my illness in its nastiest stage. Luckily I had an academic integration plan in place that accommodated my illness and what I needed in regards to exams, assessments and timetable allocations. It was there if i needed it and over the three years it helped immensely.
During my three year degree not only did i become open minded, made friends, had to push through anxiety to make friends, to talk to peers for group tasks, found my passion for writing and passions for different subjects, my physical and mental abilities were also tested. I needed to make sure that I found a balance that would ensure that I was passing my assessments but also trying to look after myself so I could graduate. Somehow I made it work. I am a person that thrives when I stick to a routine. It wasn't easy though. I struggled to get to uni for early classes, I struggled when I couldn't get up the stairs with ease or walking from on side of the campus to another. When there were four assessments due within one week or even one day the stress would make my body flare and I would need to rest ASAP. It is very hard not to stress when you are in a environment based on deadlines, different guidelines and grade percentages. I worked hard, I pushed through my fatigue to write essays, read books and study for tests.
My Saturdays were spent doing 6-8 hours of uni work, to make sure I was always on top, especially to cater for future days where I needed that extra few hours of rest. My days coming home from uni would consist of another few hours of work, just as I did on my days off. When deadlines were approaching I also did a few hours of work on Sundays. This is hard when you want to have a social life but uni and my illness came first, and I am not sorry.
I was not able to work like many others did during their degree, I don't think my body would have handled it. I think if I did I would have crashed hard and not been able to complete my degree at all. I eventually applied for student benefits to help with textbook costs etc, so I made do. Looking back I am not grateful that I never worked.
During my degree I also suffered from depression, I sought help and I was doing well for ages but towards the end of my degree I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) and needed to figure out new health plans. It set me backwards, but I persevered, I wanted to prove to myself I can do anything I set my mind to, regardless of my new and old health issues.
I didn't have many friends at uni, but there were a few I was close too whether it was a semester or a year and they were the ones I informed about my illness. Some days being surrounded by them I didn't want to keep putting on a brave face, I did that every other day in front of peers and tutors, I wanted some safe places where I could just talk about it when needed. Some of these friends really tried to help me when it came to my flares, it honestly overwhelms me thinking about how lucky I was to meet these handful of people who accepted it and did what they could, even if they couldn't understand it.
Uni taught me a lot, not just about the world, but about myself. I found my voice because of uni which was why I started vocalising my battles. I was inspired to be myself, a self that was reinvented after I became ill. This blog post really doesn't do the years of hard work justice, but it voices that anything is possible. There were many breakdowns along the way, many "fuck it" moments, many "I cant do this anymore" mentalities, but I didn't quit, I just couldn't no matter how hard the situation was. My illness doesn't control me, I control it to my best ability. The fact I got through this degree despite the constant health setbacks will always inspire me to get through the next few hurdles.
So for anyone out there not sure they can undergo a degree for whatever reason, it is possible and if you can seek help to accommodate you, do it, there is never any shame asking for help.
Here's to not knowing what the future holds, but not being afraid.