Millions missing, the idea is to post how long you've been missing from your old life and what you're missing.
I've read a diverse range of posts today and it's made me sad, but I wanted to contribute in my own way and discuss missing my social life before my illness. The symbol is shoes for me these were my main party shoes.
I have been missing 4 years officially, but 5 nonetheless. I once loved socialising and being invited to parties. I have vivid memories of standing in a circle talking to people most of the night, dancing, mucking around with my friends and staying up late if there was a sleepover involved and no matter where I went, the nutbush was my go to dance floor anthem. For as long as I can remember, the one thing I always vowed to do once I turned 18 was go clubbing, that was always my thing. Things didn't quite turn out how I thought they would.
From being active daily, to bedridden is an unexplainable horror and shock. From the numbness to the heavy lead feeling. I could barely walk a few metres to the bathroom, barely move and when I did get out of bed, I was always dizzy and disorientated. Reading the symptoms and feeling them are two different things. Nothing really prepares you for the fight ahead. Back then I didn't even know what my future would hold. I've come along way yes, but some days I think it's easy for people to forget my fight is never over. It's not just the social aspect my illness impacts, it's everything; my mental health, my learning, my work, my relationships with people, my driving, anything you name, it impacts.
I miss going out without consequences, I miss dancing without my legs feeling like jelly, I miss staying up half the night and actually feeling refreshed after catching up on sleep. I miss not having to rest before a party, I miss not having to rest after a party, I miss my social life in general. I have one again, but nothing like it was.
Half of me is torn when I think about the scenario of who I would be if I wasn't sick. Would I be working full time, would I still be selfish, would I be as compassionate? All these questions I'll never know, but the one thing I do know is this illness has taught me a big lesson about life values, priorities and what not to take for granted.
Whilst I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone and while I wish I didn't have it, without it I don't think I would be as compassionate and understanding. I don't think i would have found my passion for writing again, I don't think I would have braved public speaking and pushed hard to be heard in the community. I may not even have made online friends and built a Facebook page.
My main hope one day is to be in remission, I have heard it's possible. Or better yet for them to find a cure.