The morning was okay, I managed to get up after 6 hours of sleep. The travel was okay due to me taking strong motion sickness pills for the train and ferry. The walking around I'd say was bearable and I sat a couple of times, I had to be ‘selfish’ about being cautious of how much energy I was releasing. When we were taking the stairs, I took smaller steps because I wasn't going to waste the energy trying to catch up and I tried not to take it personally when everyone else walked ahead, as it’s not routine for others to consciously think about the fact I can’t always keep up. It's not that I am not capable it's just I suffer badly if I do. So, my boyfriend and I just made do.
Whilst I was in my own world; quiet and constantly monitoring our activities and the people around us, making me a little moody and reserved, I was aware of my boyfriend trying to make the day easier for me. He made sure he wore the back pack all day, held my hand when we went up the stairs or put his hand out behind my back if I didn't want to hold his hand, quietly assessing if I was okay and whether I wanted to leave. He even bought me a little keyring at the end of the day which cheered me up because I wasn't my best self. We decided to leave about 1.45, he felt it was best to leave just before my body started to flare because he didn't want me to start to feel worse while we were still out and suffer through the 2 hours of travel time to get home. His family understood my reasons for an early departure and his Mum told me to make sure I rested and that she'd see me later.
I felt okay, but I knew he was right, I didn't want to continue to push my body if I wanted to be okay for the get together. We got the ferry back, bought lunch, were lucky to make the first train back home, then walked home from the station. By now I was getting tired and I felt I needed to quickly get ready for the night and rest at his house. I knew that if I started to rest at my house I'd never be able to get up again. I did have a nap at this house and I woke up feeling yucky but not as bad as I have felt in the past. We eventually got up and went out to see the family and as much as I felt fatigued, sick due to allergies and upset because I wished I was feeling better, I endured the footy game (something I'm not interested in), I made small talk, I made sure I was smiling back at the little ones who were playing with their toys and I happily interacted with them when they wanted my attention. I felt relieved when I made it through the night with minimal exhaustion. Before I left, his family asked how I was feeling and had hope for me that I wouldn't suffer too badly today.
As I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend, I apologised to him for acting the way I did but he said I had nothing to be sorry for. I said thank-you for understanding my illness and taking care of me and he told me that he was happy and appreciative that I made the effort to sit out with the family despite the fact I felt like crap. He understands my limitations and if there is anything to be grateful for regarding my illness, it’s the strength of our relationship.
We started dating before my proper diagnosis had been discovered, so he has witnessed my major downfalls and achievements and has worked hard to ensure he understands my illness and does what he can to ease it. Him looking after me when we go out is nothing new, the zoo event is one of the many events in nearly five years and his actions are only a handful of things he does for me. Whether it be going out locally or far away, doing something energy consuming or laid back, his love and concern comes across in the questions he asks and the actions big and small.
It's become an unconscious habit to constantly care for me and it's been an unconscious habit to accept it, therefore acknowledging one another’s efforts is always silently implied, so in those moments when we purposely thank one another, it's special because it affirms we're in this together.
The effects of a chronic illness on a relationship is not something we could have prepared for, but if anything, it’s allowed us to grow as a couple. It’s not always easy, we constantly work around my illness and it sucks, but at the same time I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and we are already living proof of the 'through sickness and health' vow, making me confident we can make it through the ups and downs of life.
I could write for days about the great ways in which he has aided me, therefore this blog post really doesn’t give him the justice he deserves. So, to my lovely boyfriend, thank-you for always being by my side through thick and thin and note that even if you feel like you aren’t doing enough, which I know you feel at times, you always do more than enough to make me feel ‘visible’ and cared for which is important for someone with an invisible/chronic illness.