Sorry to all my readers that I have been MIA the last month. I have been very busy with the end of semester assignments and preparation study. All the while dealing with this consequence because of my CFS. The whole title makes me want to run away because it is so true and is another big consequence of being chronically ill. However, those who are not chronically ill may not realise this or understand.
This is a lesson that I am sure many of us chronic illness fighters have learnt the hard day and it is something that is still hard to come to terms with and is something that I have to fight off every few weeks. I hate opening up to people, whether I am close to you or not. I have always been this way, but in order to keep creating awareness of these 'invisible battles' I must open up and show you these consequences.
Last night was really rough, I was again angry, frustrated and mourning the loss of my healthy life. To give you an example, parties. I wish that when I was invited I did not have to think ahead of the day to make sure I am okay. I have to rest on the day if I have said yes. This is in case I flare… it is all about precautions. I have to make sure I take it easy, which yeah sure is great because I am listening to my body, but I wish I did not have to take precautions just so I can go out. Another big thing is, distance.. if I do flare, I want to go home immediately, I need to lay down. It is as simple as that. Therefore I have to think about getting home, and whether I can drink because I will probably need to drive home a few hours into it the party. Again upsetting.
Bu the worst feeling…. having to say no.. Sometimes I say no because I know my body cannot handle it or I feel that it could have very negative effects the next day. But hearing and seeing my other friends going, makes me so sad because I am not a part of that happiness. Sometimes I think it makes me a horrible person to watch on and feel a little envy. But after some careful thought I do NOT think I am a horrible person. No I think I am human. It is natural to long for the things you cannot do even when you are not chronically ill. I love seeing those around me happy, I really do. But I miss being a part of that life.
I am not a big party girl, but I have always been very social. I used to love going to parties, I used to unwind and I still do, it just has some consequences the next day if I push myself to hard or do not take precautions. All this is a minor version of what really happens. There is actually a deep depression that I go into on top of feeling like this….. but I did not want to make this blog post anymore depressing than it had to be.
This was more a ramble to let you know I was having a down day.. which I know is normal but it does not get any easier every time that it happens. But like today I have picked myself back up and continued to fight. I am determined to accept these consequences one day and know this will not hurt anymore
Sending love and spoons to all
Felicity.F
This is a lesson that I am sure many of us chronic illness fighters have learnt the hard day and it is something that is still hard to come to terms with and is something that I have to fight off every few weeks. I hate opening up to people, whether I am close to you or not. I have always been this way, but in order to keep creating awareness of these 'invisible battles' I must open up and show you these consequences.
Last night was really rough, I was again angry, frustrated and mourning the loss of my healthy life. To give you an example, parties. I wish that when I was invited I did not have to think ahead of the day to make sure I am okay. I have to rest on the day if I have said yes. This is in case I flare… it is all about precautions. I have to make sure I take it easy, which yeah sure is great because I am listening to my body, but I wish I did not have to take precautions just so I can go out. Another big thing is, distance.. if I do flare, I want to go home immediately, I need to lay down. It is as simple as that. Therefore I have to think about getting home, and whether I can drink because I will probably need to drive home a few hours into it the party. Again upsetting.
Bu the worst feeling…. having to say no.. Sometimes I say no because I know my body cannot handle it or I feel that it could have very negative effects the next day. But hearing and seeing my other friends going, makes me so sad because I am not a part of that happiness. Sometimes I think it makes me a horrible person to watch on and feel a little envy. But after some careful thought I do NOT think I am a horrible person. No I think I am human. It is natural to long for the things you cannot do even when you are not chronically ill. I love seeing those around me happy, I really do. But I miss being a part of that life.
I am not a big party girl, but I have always been very social. I used to love going to parties, I used to unwind and I still do, it just has some consequences the next day if I push myself to hard or do not take precautions. All this is a minor version of what really happens. There is actually a deep depression that I go into on top of feeling like this….. but I did not want to make this blog post anymore depressing than it had to be.
This was more a ramble to let you know I was having a down day.. which I know is normal but it does not get any easier every time that it happens. But like today I have picked myself back up and continued to fight. I am determined to accept these consequences one day and know this will not hurt anymore
Sending love and spoons to all
Felicity.F