Today i was frustrated. This morning was a major struggle trying to function. I kept hitting snooze because i was so exhausted. What comes next is never easy, convincing myself to actually get up. Again, i was annoyed because no one sees this battle. No one can see the way my body rejects the idea of moving, the idea of living life, because it is sick and wants to rest. I managed to get up and slowly get ready for uni, but i didn't rush myself because for once i did not care about being on time. Either way i made it through uni, then walking became a struggle on the way to my last lecture. My legs were so fatigued, my muscles were resisting each step, therefore i was literally pushing my body to work. In these moments i often worry i will collapse one day and no one will be around if it happened. Again another struggle that no one sees.
So that bring me to my picture. CFS is not flattering. CFS is not nice. CFS does not care what type of day you are having, what you are feeling. When it wants to attack, it will. This photo does not show the minutes of convincing myself to get up and fight this morning. It barely shows the bags under my eyes. No CFS is not flattering. It is cruel. And what makes it worse is it is invisible.
So that bring me to my picture. CFS is not flattering. CFS is not nice. CFS does not care what type of day you are having, what you are feeling. When it wants to attack, it will. This photo does not show the minutes of convincing myself to get up and fight this morning. It barely shows the bags under my eyes. No CFS is not flattering. It is cruel. And what makes it worse is it is invisible.
And just like a smile erases any evidence something is wrong. This is why i have become an advocate in the community. This is why i share my battles. This is why i want to break the stereotype that just because we look okay, does not mean that we are not fighting some kind of battle. There are many people out there who do understand these battles, whether they live through it themselves, looks after someone, knows someone or tries their best to understand. But at the same time, there are others who don't get our battles. Who don't get why we always voice our struggles. Who don't get that our body wants to self destruct most mornings. No. But that is what needs to be changed. People can be ignorant, people can be mean, people can judge all they want. But i believe that by voicing it there is information and 'evidence' out there for people to understand.