Hi all!
So today I have been very happy reading everyone's posts who wore blue for me and others fighting. Although I could give another summary of my symptoms etc. I don’t want too ( but if you want to know, there are blog posts further down or contact me) No today I wanted to write what I have learnt within this last year, as this day is what really motivated me to start making a difference and voicing my battle.
This time last year I was still in the early stages of accepting this illness. Being chronically ill is never anyone's first choice, as for me, I was quite broken as I was diagnosed in a time of my life where I should have been ready to explore the world and have fun. But I was at home resting and grieving over the loss of my body. Although there are moments where I still get sad about the limitations of this illness, I have now accepted that it is a part of my life and I live around it.
CFS has taught me to be appreciative and grateful for things I used to take for granted in the past. For example, when I am feeling like a ‘normal’ 20-year-old. Where my body is not flaring and where I can enjoy doing things without having to think deeply about the consequences later. I really embrace these moments because I don’t know how long it will be until I have another flare and how long it will linger. However, I now have more good days than bad.
I have always struggled with my legs feeling like jelly when I’ve ‘overworked’ them. Feeling like I am constantly going to collapse is a horrible feeling and not always able to avoid things that quickly flare my legs is even worse. It is something I still struggle with and some days I just want to cry because I don’t want to move at all. However, I have noticed within the last year that my legs are getting stronger. Consequently, I have found a new happiness in the moments where I am able to feel my legs like a normal person. One of the best things that happened a couple of months ago, was jumping without my legs flaring. The happiness I felt that day was indescribable. Three years ago I was jumping and within ten minutes I was down and didn’t know why. To me this means I am getting better.
CFS has taught me to go out of my comfort zone by sharing my experiences, my grief, my limits, my illness. At times it is hard to be vocal but I have been thanked, encouraged by strangers and told how inspiring I am. Because of this and social media, I have chatted with many people and I’ve heard some of their stories. I have also been told people were proud of me for voicing mine and other peoples struggles. And just the other day my friend told me she was learning so much because of what I post. This makes it worthwhile because sometimes I doubt myself as creating awareness is a slow progress especially when it is in between assignments, study and rest. But knowing it is making a difference makes me determined to keep doing what I am doing.
Voicing my battles has helped me become closer to my family and friends as I am now asked how I am really feeling in regards to my health. They listen to my answers and sometimes they don’t have the words to console me if I am having a bad day, but the fact they are genuinely asking means the world to me. Last year this was different.
I would like to acknowledge that;
I think the best news that I wanted to share with my family, friends and strangers is something I have been sitting on for about two weeks. Two years ago I stubbornly walked into a psychologist’s office as my mental health was deteriorating fast because I was in the early stages of this illness. I needed a way to cope especially with the HSC ahead.
BUT, I want to voice, that two weeks ago I went to my psych apt. and she said that I am doing really well. That if I want to keep seeing her that I can, but she feels she does not have to see me anymore. The decision is up to me. Basically, my mental health is in remission. I am really worried about a relapse but I am just focusing on getting through each day at a time and will cross that bridge if I have too.
Just a general message for all those fighting some kind of illness, whether it be mental, physical, visible, invisible, chronic or temporary, there is always support out there. To those who are reading for education, we all battle different things and it is impossible to fully understand every single illness out there. However, what is possible is being compassionate, supportive and understanding with the help of us creating awareness.
Love
Felicity. F
So today I have been very happy reading everyone's posts who wore blue for me and others fighting. Although I could give another summary of my symptoms etc. I don’t want too ( but if you want to know, there are blog posts further down or contact me) No today I wanted to write what I have learnt within this last year, as this day is what really motivated me to start making a difference and voicing my battle.
This time last year I was still in the early stages of accepting this illness. Being chronically ill is never anyone's first choice, as for me, I was quite broken as I was diagnosed in a time of my life where I should have been ready to explore the world and have fun. But I was at home resting and grieving over the loss of my body. Although there are moments where I still get sad about the limitations of this illness, I have now accepted that it is a part of my life and I live around it.
CFS has taught me to be appreciative and grateful for things I used to take for granted in the past. For example, when I am feeling like a ‘normal’ 20-year-old. Where my body is not flaring and where I can enjoy doing things without having to think deeply about the consequences later. I really embrace these moments because I don’t know how long it will be until I have another flare and how long it will linger. However, I now have more good days than bad.
I have always struggled with my legs feeling like jelly when I’ve ‘overworked’ them. Feeling like I am constantly going to collapse is a horrible feeling and not always able to avoid things that quickly flare my legs is even worse. It is something I still struggle with and some days I just want to cry because I don’t want to move at all. However, I have noticed within the last year that my legs are getting stronger. Consequently, I have found a new happiness in the moments where I am able to feel my legs like a normal person. One of the best things that happened a couple of months ago, was jumping without my legs flaring. The happiness I felt that day was indescribable. Three years ago I was jumping and within ten minutes I was down and didn’t know why. To me this means I am getting better.
CFS has taught me to go out of my comfort zone by sharing my experiences, my grief, my limits, my illness. At times it is hard to be vocal but I have been thanked, encouraged by strangers and told how inspiring I am. Because of this and social media, I have chatted with many people and I’ve heard some of their stories. I have also been told people were proud of me for voicing mine and other peoples struggles. And just the other day my friend told me she was learning so much because of what I post. This makes it worthwhile because sometimes I doubt myself as creating awareness is a slow progress especially when it is in between assignments, study and rest. But knowing it is making a difference makes me determined to keep doing what I am doing.
Voicing my battles has helped me become closer to my family and friends as I am now asked how I am really feeling in regards to my health. They listen to my answers and sometimes they don’t have the words to console me if I am having a bad day, but the fact they are genuinely asking means the world to me. Last year this was different.
I would like to acknowledge that;
- I still get tired
- I still flare
- I still get mad
- I still get sad
- I still struggle
- I still grief
I think the best news that I wanted to share with my family, friends and strangers is something I have been sitting on for about two weeks. Two years ago I stubbornly walked into a psychologist’s office as my mental health was deteriorating fast because I was in the early stages of this illness. I needed a way to cope especially with the HSC ahead.
- I was lost, angry, broken and did not fully understand my illness yet.
- I was uncertain how I was going to get through the stress of HSC with a body that barely functioned as well depression taking over.
- I was not often openly vocal about my struggles towards my friends and family.
- I was unsure how all my relationships with people were going to work because of this illness.
BUT, I want to voice, that two weeks ago I went to my psych apt. and she said that I am doing really well. That if I want to keep seeing her that I can, but she feels she does not have to see me anymore. The decision is up to me. Basically, my mental health is in remission. I am really worried about a relapse but I am just focusing on getting through each day at a time and will cross that bridge if I have too.
Just a general message for all those fighting some kind of illness, whether it be mental, physical, visible, invisible, chronic or temporary, there is always support out there. To those who are reading for education, we all battle different things and it is impossible to fully understand every single illness out there. However, what is possible is being compassionate, supportive and understanding with the help of us creating awareness.
Love
Felicity. F